My daughter, 55, scolded me for not giving me a 25 gift certificate and said, ‘You have more money than you should do’

Last week, my 55-year-old married daughter (her husband 58) asked me to express her anger that I had failed to send her a 25 25 gift certificate. They have a total of 101 (k) accounts over, 150,000 and a home worth over 50,000. Their youngest daughter has a full academic and athletic scholarship for five years at a good university in the Southwest.

Her husband left her company in 2019 and they were in the process of resuming her business in the fundraising sector, which relies on schools for business. The epidemic then hit and they were able to raise $ 1,000 a week in unemployment benefits, plus they received a loan 15,000 PPP loan.

Instead of taking an orrow from their 401 (k), he said he should come forward with my help, and know that they were eating peanut butter and eggs. I inherited from my parents five years ago when I was 0 years old.

Since then, I have given my grandchildren ন 2,000 a year as cash gifts. I gave their little girl a car worth 22,000. My daughter told me, “You have more money than you know.” He has told me countless times that my legacy is “their money” (meaning my parents).

I had a trust to name my two children Beneficiary and my eldest daughter (about whom I am writing) as an executive. I am very annoyed with our conversation. I would never ask or expect my parents to lend them money in their old age. I have been an unmarried mother for a long time, and I have been through my own struggles.

She and her husband bought a বাড়ি 1 million home in Central Florida in 2003. When the Great Depression hit, they were forced to sell it because they had a balloon payment that they could not meet, and because – as it is now – her husband’s business was severely damaged by the economy during that time.

This incident has hurt me deeply because I am living below my means to inherit them. Why would she want to blame me for this, and not take responsibility for what she and her husband have decided? When is the time that I can expect them not to be blamed for their decisions? How do I address this?

Depressed, old and tired

Dear Dinket,

That time is now. It’s not your job to ask why, but to tell him how life works.

You don’t know what’s going on with them until they tell you and, presumably, have a chance to help her grocery bill, if you do something you feel comfortable doing. But you can’t become a real Mrs. Fix something every time. You are his mother, not Piggy Bank, if he does not hear it he will be stunned and punished.

Your relationship is worth more than a $ 25 gift certificate, and you try your best to help her, but you can’t always be their Plan B For an executor, you want someone who is mature, equivalent, and fair. Is he the person you should trust over the distribution of your property? You may have picked up his toy as a child, but it is an unreasonable expectation to do so at a young age.

And that’s where you draw the line: your job is not to manage your daughter’s expectations. Your role in life is to meet your own needs, try your best to meet your financial and family expectations, and draw healthy boundaries with other people – family and friends who allow you to live happily and safely. Your daughter may or may not respect that.

Your daughter should reduce their costs And Take less financial risk that could endanger their home. An early withdrawal from their 401 (k) before the age of 597 years should be a last resort, as there will be a 10% early withdrawal penalty as well as income tax for withdrawal. The amount he withdraws will be added to his 2021 income tax return.

He will create more problems by snatching his 401 (k). Bryson Roof, an investment adviser at Fort Pitt Capital Group in Pittsburgh, told MarketWatch:

One option is to pay a financial adviser to help your daughter and you will not be held responsible for her financial problems. That you have set up a trust for your children and done what you can to ensure their inheritance, but it is a gift – not a right – just as your inheritance was a gift from your parents.

It’s a triple dimension of healthy boundaries, third-party intervention and solid love.

You can email The Man with any financial and ethical questions about coronavirus at and follow Quentin Futrell Twitter.

By emailing your questions, you agree to publish them anonymously on Marketwatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Company, the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story or its version in all media and platforms through third parties.

See Moneyist Personal Facebook Group, where we are looking for answers to the most difficult money problems in life. Readers write to me with all kinds of hesitations. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or consider the latest semantic columns.

The semantist is sad that he cannot answer the question individually.

More from Quentin Fottrell:

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