La Brea is a sucking sinkhole of a sci-fi mystery show-Reason.com

La Breya. NBC. Tuesday, September 28, 9 p.m.

Back in 1977, the same year long-awaited programming talents were brought back to the broadcast networks. Mickey Mouse Club, A landmark episode of ABC aired Happy days Where Fonji, after his leather jacket and bathing suit, jumps on a shark in a water ski. Previous TV critics made the announcement immediately Happy days Nielsen coined the term “shark jumping” to mark the end of a TV series’ creativity. (Those Palestinian viewers, unknowingly watching a corpse, put the show in the top five of the broadcast for another five years.)

Sharp-jumping happens Happy days’ Fifth season. But a critic who waits five years today to announce a shark jump, will probably have no show left to declare him dead; Season three and a half is now considered a healthy lifetime for a TV series. So let’s give NBC crazy props La Breya, Which vaults Selachimorpha In exactly nine minutes when it will debut next week.

La Breya Life in Los Angeles begins with a fairly normal piece: a frustrating traffic jam in the Hancock Park area near La Brayer Tar Pit, the ultimate resting place for many monsters and friendly Pleistocene creatures. And, suddenly, boy, “Spoiler alert!” Every other sentence – a giant sinkhole opens into the tar, engulfing about 1.3 million Angelinos and their cars.

I know, I know, your first thought is probably, “Oh, man, do we have to choose that memory? Again, “After that,” What’s for dinner tonight? “

But the tragic birth of the sinkhole is truly a horrific state-of-the-art CGI-art event, where roads and buildings explode into dust, while things (including people) sink into a supernatural void. For nine minutes, you’re in the middle of the most terrifying blood-curdling disaster movie ever.

And then: Shark Ballet!

It turns out that all those people did not drown in their death, spiritually or otherwise. They are simply wounded in a pile of grass, conveniently surrounded by food, water, heroin, and violent second correction practitioners shaking ounds. As the looting begins, one character stares brightly: “Maybe we’re just in an episode Missing! “

This can be a bright side Them. For us, not so much. Signs of multidimensional time travel and government conspiracy begin to appear at once and it is clear La Breya This is going to be another of such sci-fi shows Manifest Or Fringe Or, yes, Missing, It’s high on the concept, low on the plan, especially nowhere, until its fans get angry and bring down the manufacturers with their own cell phone pieces. (This last bit hasn’t actually happened yet, but I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy.)

Meanwhile, keep that in mind Happy days It goes on for a while after the shark bites, and so on La Breya. Survivors have an undeniable interest in trying to organize themselves against that huge prehistoric wolf (yes, the ones you saw Game of Thrones, But not as child-friendly). Especially so is the split remnants of the Harris family, which was a commotion even before the Tarpit opened: Mother Natalie Zia Fair She abandoned her husband, Ian McCain MerlinMore insane than bed since his Air Force jet crashed in the desert a few years ago. And the annoying teenage boy and girl took sides. Now half the family is hanging in the early ice age and the other half in Orange County. For Angelinos, figuring out which one is more deadly can be the real thing La Breya.

For the rest of us, well, life is an old Bobby Darren record: “You know that when a shark bites with its teeth, baby, the red beetle starts to spread …”

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